Purity
by evieeden
Summary: Leah reflects on the new most important man in her life. Advent story written for 25th December.


**This is my last advent fic. It was supposed to be the story I posted on December 25****th**** before the whole holidays and family took over me, but it didn't quite happen. Still, I promised I would finish it off so here it is.**

**Massive thanks go to all of you for reading all (or some) of these stories and thanks to every one of my gorgeous betas for taking time out to look these stories over. A huge massive, special thank you has to go to the wonderful idealskeptic who for the second year running has practically pushed me through all of this. She deserves a ton of credit for all of this and I adore her to pieces.**

**So thanks for reading, I hope you enjoy this last advent oneshot, and, as always, I must state that I don't actually own Twilight (in case you didn't know that already).**

**Take care and have a fabulous February and rest of the year.**

**Purity**

I couldn't stop staring at him.

He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. He had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes and the makings of a strong jaw. He had long legs for a baby and a shiny, dark cap of hair.

I loved him with every fibre of my being.

I had never understood before, that look that some women got when talking about their children, I couldn't recognise it. Now I knew it was it was. It was the look that came from a woman prepared to kill to keep her children safe and happy.

I knew it now. I felt it now.

Warm hands rested on my shoulders from behind and a fond kiss was placed on my head.

"Hey, is he asleep?"

Sam came to sit next to where I was leaning against the crib. I smiled absently at him before turning my attention back to the baby.

My baby.

"When did he go down?" Sam asked.

"About an hour ago," I replied, my eyes never wavering.

He chuckled softly. "Have you been sat here this whole time?"

I finally tore my eyes away from the baby. "You think I'm being silly."

"No." He reached across and rested his warm hand on my knee. "No, I don't. Not at all. I think it's adorable."

I wrinkled my nose at that description.

"Adorable?" I scoffed. "You don't mean me, do you?"

"You especially." He grinned. "You're just a melty marshmallow."

I reached across and flicked him on the nose.

"You are too," I accused. "And you're way worse than me. I'm not the one who cried at the hospital."

He shrugged with a smile. "It was the birth of my first son. It wouldn't have been right if I hadn't cried."

I smiled at that. When Sam had held his son for the first time, tears – manly tears, he would say – streaming down him face, I had got a little choked up myself. It had been one of the best sights in the world, especially as it was one that I thought I would never see.

When I had first become a wolf, I had been traumatized. The changes to my body and temperament occurred so rapidly that it had taken ages for me to notice everything that had changed. When I had first realised that my periods had stopped and that I hadn't had one in six months, I had panicked.

First I was terrified that I had become pregnant without realising and subjected my body to punishing changes and strain in the meantime. Then I was worried that I had become pregnant, but miscarried due to the phasing which had affected my body.

My last thought was the one that had truly devastated me though.

That I was barren. That my body had failed, that I had failed as a woman and would be unable to carry a child due to the phasing.

I had been angry.

Angry at the gods, angry at my pack, angry at my parents for passing on their cursed genes to me and my little brother.

And I was furious with the Cullens. Everything had been taken from me – my father, my scholarship, my femininity - all because some deluded and selfish leeches wanted to play 'human' for their own amusement.

The only thing that had kept me sane in all that time was Sam.

Oh sure, my mom and Seth had been there for me as much as they could, but I felt removed from them in a way I never had before.

Sam had been my fiancé before he had turned into a wolf for the first time. When he had finally taken charge of the initial small pack of him, Jared and Paul, the elders had encouraged him to break off his relationship with me in order to kept the tribe's spirit warriors a secret. We had remained friendly, but it had been so hard to be close to him when there was so much I didn't understand, so much I couldn't know.

He was there when I had phased though – my new Alpha. It was one of the biggest shocks of my life.

I had lashed out at him, accusing him of all sorts of things. Becoming a wolf was horrifying and knowing that Sam was a part of all the supernatural bullshit and, in fact, was the leader of our little group of freaks, was devastating.

He had been so good to me though.

He had helped calm me down, had sat with me while I grieved over my father's death, and had pressed cold compresses against my neck when the shock of my violent phase had left my body trembling uncontrollably.

He had just been... Sam.

He had been the man I had fallen in love with all those years ago, but with an added dimension.

My wolf loved him.

My change had sent the council into a flurry of researching and eventually they had come to the conclusion that the pack needed an Alpha female to go with their Alpha male.

It was funny though. My wolf hadn't thought much of the Alpha-in-waiting, Jacob, whom they all believed I was meant for. I had grown up with Jacob and while he was a sweet kid, that was exactly what I had seen him as, a kid. My wolf also felt he was far too immature.

So she had turned her attention to the current Alpha – my ex.

I was less certain, however.

There was so much that had passed between us, both as humans and now as wolves, that I really didn't know if my heart could take any more.

So I had resisted. I had enough crap to deal with without taking unresolved feelings for my ex into account.

Like he had when we were human, though, Sam crept under my skin, just by being there. His mannerisms, his courtesy, the way he treated me, all remained the same. If I closed my eyes, I could almost pretend that nothing had changed.

At times, I was brutally shaken out of my fantasy, however.

Like when the first vampire Seth and I had ever faced ventured into the forest surrounding La Push, and although I was the fastest in the pack and I had been within a hair's breadth of sinking my teeth into the back of the leech's neck and tearing his head off, Sam had ordered me to back off and retreat to protect the town.

I had been fuming.

I was strong enough to face our enemies. I was definitely more than fast enough.

So to be sent home like a naughty child – and to have no choice but to follow Sam's instructions – really grated on my nerves.

He had later explained that his instincts told him to protect me, as the pack's only female, and to keep me away from danger.

I had called bullshit and not spoken to him or patrol for the next three weeks. He actually had to send Jacob over to try and convince me to come back and be a part of the pack again. I had eventually agreed but only on the understanding that I was treated like everyone else. If I was going to be forced to be a part of this stupid band of mutts, then I was going to make sure that I was an equal part of it.

Eventually Sam got the message and we stumbled along as we were before. This time, however, I became aware that there was an edge to pack dynamics that I didn't quite understand, something Sam's protectiveness had brought to the fore.

It was Seth who had to explain it to me.

"It's like he's marked his territory to the other wolves."

"What territory?" I demanded suspiciously.

"Well...you," my brother had stuttered.

"I am not territory," I stated quietly, dangerously. "I am not something that you lot can cock your leg and piss over."

"We know that." Seth rushed to placate me. "But I don't think until recently just how much Sam still cares about you."

"He broke up with me."

"I know," Seth said. "But you know as well as I do that he didn't do it because he stopped caring about you."

I didn't have anything to say to that, so just shook my head

It got me thinking though.

About us. About how we used to be. And about how Seth had just told me that Sam's wolf was as interested in me as mine was in him.

Over the next few weeks the old feelings that I had for Sam came flooding back and at times I found myself struggling not to blush every time I saw him. Things were getting increasingly awkward between us.

Eventually, after another training session ended with me blushing, Sam rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and the rest of the pack looking anywhere other than at us, Paul had thrown his shorts on and barked at the two of us to "just fuck already and get it over with."

We hadn't taken up his suggestion, but once the rest of the wolves had silently crept away, shooting backwards glances as they left, we had talked...for ages.

And then we had walked home hand in hand.

We had started again, getting to know each other from scratch. I thought I had known Sam well before, but it was nothing compared to getting to know him and his wolf this time. There were no secrets anymore, no hidden thoughts or small resentments that built up over time. Being able to read someone else's mind certainly meant that you knew exactly what they thought of you.

My fears about my fertility had been put to rest shortly after Sam and I had slept together again. I had screamed, half in excitement and half with relief, when my period had started back up. Now, it was funny to remember the look on Sam's face as he burst into the bathroom, expecting to see an attack, or at the very least a spider, only to be faced with my hysterical tears as I sat on the toilet.

Only three months later, I found out that I was pregnant.

It had been a struggle, but it was real, and despite all the pain that had been caused before, I didn't think that I would've changed anything.

Well... maybe I would've changed phasing myself, but I realised now that if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be sat here with Sam by my side and my beautiful baby boy sleeping in his crib.

I did wish that my father could've been here to see it all though.

That would have made everything absolutely perfect.

But I was content.

Baby Harry was more than I could have ever wished for, even though I was now physically incapable of leaving him alone for a single minute. Sam thought I was silly, but even though all our secrets were bared to each other now, he had never truly understood my fear that I would never have children. It was different for men, I guessed. For him, it had been a question of not knowing what was going on. He had thought only of looking for practical solutions to what I saw as my 'problem'. He had seen my dread second hand, but had never experienced my feelings in their pure undiluted form.

So yes, he thought I was a little silly. Even I thought I was being an idiot at times.

But...he was just so beautiful. My baby. Just soooo beautiful and soooo loved and I couldn't bear letting him out of my sight for a second in case something happened.

Luckily, Sam was content to humour me.

He understood. Not completely, but as much as he was able to.

"Hey." He ran a finger down my cheek, bringing my attention back to him. "Where did you go? What are you thinking about?"

I shrugged a shoulder. "Everything. Us. Harry. My dad."

Sam rested a hand on my shoulder, his face sympathetic. "You know he would've been so proud you... and Harry."

I blinked back tears. I wasn't going to cry, not when this moment with our baby was perfect.

Sniffling, I finally moved. I shuffled across the floor and crawled into Sam's lap, enjoying his warmth and the heavy weight of his arms as he wrapped them around me. Leaning my head against his shoulder, I returned my gaze back to the sleeping baby.

"I just don't want to leave him alone," I confessed. "I want him to know that we love him and that we're always here for him."

"He knows," Sam confirmed. "With such a great mom how can he not know?"

That made me smile. "Are you sucking up to me?"

His shoulder rose beneath me in a shrug. "I might be."

"Hmph." Peering upwards, I mock glared at him. "Well, you'll get yours soon enough. But for now, can we just sit here with him please?"

Sam smiled and lowered his head to kiss me. His lips glided from my mouth to press against my crown before he settled his body underneath me.

"Yeah, we can sit here with him."

Satisfied by his answer, I made myself comfortable and felt the unfamiliar calm washing over me. This was just right.

Just me and the two men I loved.

Perfect.


End file.
